autumn nostalgia

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Is it me, or is Autumn a weirdly nostalgic season?
I’ll be working or talking as usual, only to find my mind just resting quietly in memories of a year or two ago. I awake with a spontaneous desire to visit a place or wear an outfit, and only later does it occur to me that the last time I did was exactly a year ago. It’s like a game of word-association that tugs at me, quietly, and I think I’ve always had it – even before there was anything to be nostalgic for.

People say Christmas is a bad time to loose someone, and of course that is true, but it’s the heartaches of Autumn that haunt me the most. It’s such a sensory season – the crunching leaves, the fiery colours, the woodsmoke and fog; the first frosts and fireworks. It’s like it all creeps into the dark corners of your brain, & makes your neurones sing with secrets.

There are times in my life when I’m desperate for excitement, but Autumn isn’t one of them. No surprises, please. Each night the fog draws into our valley, and my drive from the motorway is steeped in it, my headlights vague and hazy. Driving home on these nights is like a riddle, and at times it’s a bit scary, but I’m secretly glad of it; when I turn that last corner and see our little village glowing orange in the valley, it feels like a place where we’ll never be found. We go in and light the fire, drink red wine, & laugh about the things Orla has said that day. In the years to come, this will be what I’m nostalgic for – all of this: the touched-out feeling, the tiny wellies in the hall, the matching cats asleep on the sofa. I know it, and for a moment I’m able to appreciate it all so much more, but then my mind drifts, Orla wakes, and I’m back to my usual lack of gratitude.

With all this in mind, it seemed a good opportunity to clear out my iPhone of all the autumnal snaps I’ve been hoarding on there. Some even go back to last autumn, which is faintly ridiculous, but makes for a nice collection all the same! All hail the iPhone camera.

a little autumn reading:

An autumn playlist:

This choice of songs probably reflects all of my Autumn-emotions too well, being entirely filled with nostalgia…

How’s autumn looking where you are? Do you get the nostalgia, or is this just the usual Sara weirdness at work?

  • Oh my, that image with the glowing window and night sky is the epitome of cosy. Beautiful xx

    • Thanks Kate! Totally cozy – it made me think of ‘hygge’ so much I had to pull over the car to snap it ???

  • Rebecca Harrison

    Lovely writing! *heart*

    • Thanks Rebecca. Big compliment. Yes – ‘like memories have claimed the seasons as their home’! If only you’d said this to my privately, I’d totally be stealing it and pretending I said it myself ;). Cake is obviously emotion, as I feel cakeish more than almost anything else. Apart from teaish.
      Yay Agnes, and yay to the firelit moors. Metaphorically only, of course. xx

  • Kathi

    I don’t think that I become particularly nostaligic, but I do embrace the whole hygge concept. Especially since I lived in Norway, where it’s called “kos”. Autumn is looking lovely in France, though it’s still unbelievably warm here in Lyon. I’ve also been wondering about the fog/mist lately. I’m not sure, if it occurs a lot more this year, of if I just pay more attention to things like that since I’ve joined Instagram… Either way, love your pictures and words about this moody season.

    • Thanks Kathi! Funnily enough I’d been thinking the same thing about the fog and mist… I don’t remember it being so prevalent last autumn (when we first moved here). Maybe it is worse this year? ‘Worse’ in the same way that they say ‘bad’ about winter – which really means quite brilliant, as long as you’re safe and warm πŸ™‚ x

  • Sheona

    I think, for me, I crave routine in Autumn because as a child, that’s when I got. School was my constant and I yearned for it over the (kind of chaotic) summer holidays. Maybe your experience is similar.

    It’s definitely easiest to be fond of children when they are asleep ?

    • This makes sense. Autumn in primary school definitely was a happy, magical time, so maybe that’s what I feel nostalgic for? Happy and magical being the distinct opposite to what I had at home.
      Tim Minchin says ‘your love for them grows the closer to dead they look’. ? x

      • Sheona

        Such a way with words, Tim ?

  • Definitely not just a Sara weirdness! I feel the same way in the Autumn, especially because it represents the start of the school year (which is my measurement for my life).

    • Ok phew! I think you might be onto something with the school ties. I’ve noticed a lot of my autumn nostalgia is tied to city autumn memories – walking home from school in the dark, pink skies, leaves on the pavement. It’s a bit different out in the countryside, and it’s throwing me off a bit! x

  • Marianne Andresen

    I love Autumn. The quietness. Being inside. Reading books. Beautiful colors. Waiting for December. Candles and blankets. Hygge og kos:) It gives me energy. And that’s a good thing since I live were I live…

    • Perfectly put. I like the idea of it giving you energy. Energy through the winter, or energy once the spring hits? πŸ™‚ x

      • Marianne Andresen

        πŸ™‚ Well usualy the energy last to February. By then I just prey and hope for a early spring. And when that doesn’t work: I visit London were spring hits way before Oslo…

  • I think Autumn is a beautiful season but I do find that my mood begins to get lower and my mind does wonder to the past more. I think for me it’s the dwindling doing day light. I feel really affected by the dark evenings and dreary days where you have to have the house lights on even though it is the middle of the day.

    Autumn is the season of death though ready for the winter so it all kind of makes sense really πŸ™‚

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  • Autumn is not my season, not to mention Winter. Of course, it has its charms and I’d be a liar to say I do not let them in… People say I am a sensitive person, and I realize this also by the way I am in tune with the details of the seasons, Autumn included. It has its charms, its nuances, its peculiarities that I manage to embrace. Sometimes though, all of this makes me long for…summer πŸ™‚

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