kids online: how much is safe to share in photos?

This is an interesting post and something I have thought about often. Before I started the blog I have now I had another blog where I posted more family related things. It was a lot more personal. I blogged for over a year on that blog before feeling increasingly uncomfortable with what I was sharing and wasn’t really sure what to do about it. I

I don’t think my concerns were to do with predators though more worries about my sons privacy. In the end I chose to delete my blog. I missed blogging so ended up starting a new blog focusing more on creativity instead of family life. There are pictures of my kids but it’s not the focal point and I’ve used nicknames for them. Right now I feel like my blogging identity is very jumbled.. I felt and still feel very torn on this issue. It’s such a tricky area. I guess you will never know how your kids will feel about anything you do as a parent.

🙂 lovely photos BTW.

I don’t have kids yet but this post pretty much sums up my feelings in the most eloquent and educated way. I laughed out loud at your friends comment, not because it’s ludicrous, but because she’s right! I think there are a lot of blurred lines when it comes to a child developing their self expression or discovering their world and then it all becoming suppressed by a parent’s “protection”. Don’t get me wrong, I think there needs to be some precautions but don’t we all need those? I was raised to be very aware, to make smart decisions, and think things through before acting. I am cautious person, but I look at the way some of my friends are “protecting” their kids and think, “poor kid”. I do think their are some blogs out there that overshare. I think the key is to find a balance between what is shared and what is private. I think your posts pertaining to Orla are just that. Your blog has that balance. Do I think some people out there overshare and should maybe reel it in a bit? Absolutely! I think this post makes very valid points and opens people up to what’s beyond their control and what may be a very extreme (even paranoid) way of thinking.

xx – Sara

I am so very irritated that people have problems with a sweet baby girl being a sweet baby girl and yet, they’re fine with Kim Kardashian baring it all for the camera. Perhaps there is a sort of stigma in their minds about protecting the innocent, and that’s why they object to children without tops or bottoms, but they have it all wrong, in my opinion. Children should be allowed to be children without any sort of negativity floating around in the air above them. There should be no hesitation when children think of their body – they should love it and be taught to love it. And that means not being ashamed of it or hiding it.
Thank you for this post! And the photos are adorable!

Hi Marianne! Thanks for commenting all the way from Norway!
Personally, I think that people share less for the ‘likes’ and more just for the sense of connection and conversation that it brings – our kids are such a huge part of our world (or, our whole world, sometimes!) and to leave out the most important thing seems strange and false and artificial. To me it’s the same as going along to a toddler group where everyone talks about what their kid is doing now, shares a photo of them doing something cute, etc. Only, toddler groups are hellish and I don’t have to get dressed to go on the internet! 😉
You say it’s sharing with people we don’t know, but for me it’s sort of the opposite – I have a lot of instagram friends, who I absolutely DO know, from talking daily and sharing photos for the last two years. & when something lovely or funny or interesting happens, I want to share that with my online friends, in the same way any human wants to share those things with the people in their lives.
We’re all looking for community and interaction and someone to listen and to listen to, in the end, I think 🙂 xx

Thanks for the comment Sarah – really interesting to get your perspective! I share your opinion that it’s probably riskier letting them out to play – I heard at the weekend about a parent who turned to speak to a market stall holder, and turned back to find a stranger leading her daughter away by the hand! Luckily she was able to intervene, but it is a reminder of how those sorts of crimes are (as well as being incredibly rare) most often a crime of opportunity, rather than elaborately planned in response to social media.
ANYTHING that reduces teenage teasing is a good call in my book – why are teenagers so awful to one another?! – so I can definitely see sense in that argument! It will be interesting to find out how the next few generations feel about all this sharing as they grow older, and how that changes the internet and the ways we all share.
Thanks again! S xx

I know right? I wonder if I could still fit into it…

Thanks for reading, and for such an interesting comment, Natalie.
Yes, I certainly agree tat monetising a child’s image is a whole separate consideration, and it isn’t something I’m entirely comfortable with – mostly because I don’t think kids should have to ‘work’!I wonder if previous generations of parents asked themselves these questions in relation to child models or actors? I suppose many must have done.

In reality for me, I share very little of Orla’s life online. It’s easy to see what people share and assume that they’re putting their whole world online, when in fact for many it is just a small piece of their family puzzle – no matter how closely you followed me, you’d never know her surname, or her favourite food, or where she goes to daycare, or what she’s afraid of at night. I realise your comment probably wasn’t directly aimed at me, but it made me pause to consider this all the same. I imagine the same must be true of many.
I do honestly believe, as I said above, that most people are driven to share online because of the lack of real community in real life. Whenever I met up with other mums at toddler groups or postnatal support sessions, they were all doing the same, only verbally – pouring out their worries and funny stories and cute moments to everyone listening. I never found a group that worked for me in real life, but I found it online.

In the end we all have to find our own line, based on our kids, our lives and our core beliefs. It sounds like yours is drawn in a really sensible place 🙂 x

Thanks Julia – though I’m sorry it made for uncomfortable reading! Perhaps in the future kids will do projects at school about their early childhood online footprint, and those with no pictures at all will feel embarrassed and unloved ;). I joke, of course, but there’s really no way to predict and stop all future embarrassment, anyway! Thanks for the lovely comment x

Jane/Ann,
I can tell you feel strongly about this topic, not least because you came by and commented twice, agreeing with yourself under two different names from the same IP address. You really should be careful about your sharing settings.

I vet people carefully before inviting them to stay, because, as you have just proven, there’s a lot of odd people out there. They stay in a separate part of the house, with no access to our accommodation. They are never strangers by the time they visit.

Also, there is no evidence that child sex offenders use Instagram or the internet in general as a sort of ‘tinder for kids’, selecting their victim and then setting elaborate plans to visit them at home and abduct them. This is fundamentally failing to understand how sex attacks happen, and makes you sounds sensationalist and slightly hysterical. Every blogger with a private domain must provide their address when registering it, and this is searchable by anyone online. I’m sure you’d read all about these crimes often in the Daily Mail (I feel confident assuming you’re a regular reader) were it such a risk. As it happens, my url is registered to another address, so I’m actually more protected than most. The truth is, kids are more at risk of being snatched at random whilst playing in the park – say, in quiet Colwyn Bay, for example.

Furthermore, our house is not visible on google street view and even people in possession of our full address and postcode struggle to find our home – especially parcel delivery men, for some reason. However if you’d like to prove me wrong, feel free to use the photo of my house to scour every street in West Yorkshire in order to match it up and find my address. I look forward to hearing how you get on.

Oh, thank you! Well written is possibly the best compliment 🙂
I can so sympathise with your concerns about this question from your daughter (as a child I once went through the family albums and confronted my parents about why my sister, their first born, was represented over 60% more! Kids do think about these things, for sure) but, as you say, the decision is out of your hands, and there is a genuine cause for carefullness in your case. I’m sure she’ll know how proud you are of her in a thousand different ways, though! Thank you for commenting – a really interesting perspective to consider xx

Ah yes, the playing outside issue! Ora’s still too little, but I do sometimes think about it. Would I have let her if we’d stayed in the city? I like to imagine yes, but it’s likely I’d have secretly GPS tagged her or similar at the same time. My Mum was v overprotective when I was younger and we were never allowed to walk home from primary school or leave our street, growing up. As a teen/adult it made me incredibly anxious, as I was facing situations like buying a bus ticket or getting lost for the very first time!
Thank you for commenting and sharing your thoughts Tracy! You’ve given me more to think about x

You just have such a way with words! This post did actually come from your head. I stole it while you slept x

She’ll be very pleased to hear that, Kelly! 😉 It’s so sad that some kids are made to feel their bodies are secret or shameful, during the one stage in life when we get to be totally body un-selfconcious. I can relate to the parents just trying to keep their kids safe, but it still seems all topsy turvy. Thanks for commenting x

Haha, you included my comment! ? and Ally’s toddler bum! I feel famous!

As you know, I’m totally with you on this. I love this post because it’s like it comes from my head! x

I totally agree with you to. Too many of us (not myself) have turned into these hysterical media listeners and followers who think that everyone is a potential pedophile or rapist. We then install these ideas onto our children who are already stuck indoors or driven to organised play/clubs so that we can watch them constantly. What sort of people are they going to grow into? I don’t believe our children are at risk anymore than we were. Great post by the way, glad to find someone like minded, I despair some days listening to parents in the playground.

This is SO well written. I completely relate to your deliberation! In some ways I have had the decision taken from me though, my daughter’s adopted and all advice is to avoid any imagery of her online – for her protection. BUT this doesn’t mean I don’t still long to show my photos of her beauty with the world. I really struggle with the notion that she might challenge why she hasn’t been part of my virtual world in some way, and whether I wasnt proud enough to. But ultimately I just have to keep reminding myself I’ll tell her when she’s old enough that it’s all for her protection.

I love your friend’s comment. Perfectly sums it up I feel. I was at the swimming pool recently and the showers were by the side of the pool. A parent was telling his 3 year old that she couldn’t take her costume off to wash. It really makes me cross because I feel that the chances of there being anyone there that would have paid any attention was so slim but the parent is sexualising the whole situation and telling a 3 year old that their body is something that should be hidden. Seems all back to front to me.